


My Bloody Valentine

by Suzie_Shooter



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Eventual Romance, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Gore, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29426052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suzie_Shooter/pseuds/Suzie_Shooter
Summary: When Alex receives a heart for Valentine’s day – literally – there’s only one person he can think of to call for help. That’s assuming Yassen didn’t send it in the first place. Alex is pretty sure he’d have probably bought him dinner first or something. Pretty sure.
Relationships: Yassen Gregorovich/Alex Rider
Comments: 27
Kudos: 120





	My Bloody Valentine

Alex stared into the box with the frozen expression of a man who knew instinctively what he was looking at but didn’t want to believe it. The outer packaging had been plain – sturdy brown paper with a printed address label. The box inside had been pretty – pink with silver threads, and there’d been pink tissue paper inside when he’d lifted the lid.

Until he’d taken out the tissue paper, his assumption had been that someone was playing a prank. He wasn’t seeing anyone right now and it wouldn’t have surprised him at all if Tom had sent him something appalling for Valentine’s Day in revenge for having to listen to his endless complaining about being single, but – he’d have expected a blow up doll or a gourmet box of anchovies or something.

Not a heart. An actual, fresh, bloody heart.

A human heart? Alex hoped, really hoped it had come from a butcher’s shop. But when had his life ever been that simple?

Alex finally tore his gaze away from the revolting contents and realised there was blood on his fingers. He gagged and dashed for the sink, only just managing not to throw up as he scrubbed his fingers convulsively under steaming hot water.

Once he’d mastered himself he edged back to the box and took another peek, as if he might somehow have hallucinated the whole thing. But no, there it still sat, red and glistening. 

He swallowed hard and fetched some disposable gloves before examining the packaging in more detail, looking for a clue as to who might have sent it. Found a card tucked into the fold of the lid. 

_Be my valentine._

It was typed like the label, and otherwise the card was just a plain white rectangle of standard business card stock.

“Well, that’s not creepy at all,” Alex muttered. 

He wondered what the hell to do. He should probably call the police – except if this did turn out to be a pig heart after all he was just going to look silly. And if it was something more sinister, past experience suggested the police weren’t going to be able to help him anyway.

That lead to the thought he could tell MI6. He could phone Mrs Jones, he still had a contact number. Actually, he could phone Smithers. That was a more appealing thought. But the fact remained that asking them for help would put him firmly back in their debt, and he’d managed to go more than a whole year without being bothered by them. Reminding them of his existence would be a really bad idea.

He could just ignore it, he supposed. Put it down to a misjudged prank and throw it in the bin. Forget about it. But there was a level of horror to it that suggested that might be a mistake. If he had a creepy stalker with an organ fetish it might not do to brush it off too lightly. The next organ might be his own.

That left woefully few options, and Alex really hesitated over the final one. He could call Yassen Gregorovich for help. Assuming the number he had was still connected, anyway. It had been a while.

The reasons for the hesitation were twofold. They’d had – an affair was really too grand a name for it, they’d shagged each other a couple of times around the end of Alex’s last mission for MI6. But things had always been a little awkward with them working for different sides, and while the sex had been amazing the conversation had been stilted, and when Yassen had been assigned a mission in South Africa he’d disappeared without another word. Alex hadn’t heard from him since. 

The other reason that gave Alex pause was the thought, however unlikely, that it might have been Yassen who’d sent it in the first place.

He didn’t _think_ it was Yassen – he was more of a ‘break into your apartment and be waiting for you in bed’ kind’ve guy Alex thought, with a faint smile of reminiscence. Romantic gestures, even the creepy and potentially murderous kind, weren’t really Yassen’s style. But the fact remained he was one of the only people Alex could think of who wouldn’t baulk at removing someone’s heart and putting it in the post. Maybe Yassen had been harbouring a secret passion for him all this time.

Alex sighed. This wasn’t getting him anywhere. And it wasn’t solving the problem of the bloody heart sitting in the middle of his living room floor.

He fetched a plastic bag, shoved the box inside it, and put the whole thing in the freezer. Out of sight, if not out of mind. 

Next step, eliminate the obvious. He called Tom.

“Hey. You haven’t sent me anything weird have you?”

There was a brief explosive spluttering on the end of the line, the sound of somebody fumbling with the phone, then Tom came back on sounding slightly out of breath. 

“Sorry just had to check I hadn’t sent a picture to you by mistake.”

Alex’s eyebrows went up. “What kind of picture?”

“What? No. Nothing, no picture. What were you saying, somebody sent you something?”

Alex took a brief moment to be grateful he hadn’t received something more harrowing than a fresh heart after all, and smiled. 

“You didn’t send me anything in the post?”

“No? Why, have you got something?”

“Yeah,” Alex said slowly. “No sender’s details though.”

“A secret admirer?” Tom laughed. “That’s cool. No, wasn’t me mate. What was it?”

“A heart.”

“Oh, nice. Like, chocolate?”

Alex sighed. “Yeah. Something like that. Okay, cheers, see you.”

He hung up and stared at the freezer door, reflecting it was just as well he wasn’t currently flat-sharing.

Okay, there was nothing else for it. He was out of options. He dialled Yassen before he could lose his nerve.

To his surprise it rang and after a moment someone picked up, although the line remained silent. 

“Yassen? It’s me. Alex,” he added, just in case.

“Alex?” Yassen sounded surprised, and Alex had a moment to be hurt Yassen apparently didn’t have his number saved. “Are you alright?”

Alex felt a flood of relief. Firstly that Yassen wasn’t irritated at being contacted in the first place and secondly that he apparently still cared enough to sound concerned. 

“Um. Kind’ve.” It wasn’t like there was an immediate threat, Alex figured. “I’ve just got a bit of a weird problem. I didn’t know who to call.”

“If you’ve got something stuck I suggest the nearest emergency department.”

Alex nearly choked. “Not that kind of problem!” 

“Oh.” Yassen sounded amused and Alex realised he was being wound up. Found he was smiling. 

“Where are you right now, anyway?”

“In London, as it happens,” Yassen said after the barest pause. 

That made Alex stop and think. What were the odds of that? Did it mean Yassen was the anonymous gifter after all? 

“What’s the problem?”

Alex made up his mind. “Somebody sent me a heart in the post.”

“Human?” 

Alex almost laughed. Of course Yassen wouldn’t assume chocolate. Man probably didn’t even know it was Valentine’s day. 

“How the hell should I know?” Alex retorted. “I’m not a heart expert. Fresh though.”

“A threat?”

Alex took a moment to be grateful for Yassen’s no-nonsense approach. No pointless exclamations of surprise or disgust, just getting down to the important points. And sounding intrigued, which Alex took as a good sign that he hadn’t been the one to send it. Although he knew how good an actor Yassen could be.

“Not – exactly,” Alex said hesitantly. 

Yassen sighed. “Do you want me to come round?”

“Would you?” Alex was surprised by how relieved he felt. Which, given Yassen was the most dangerous man he knew, said a lot about how unnerved he was feeling.

“Same flat?” Yassen checked, and rang off. 

“Man of few words,” Alex sighed, and tossed his phone onto the sofa. Of course now he’d agreed to it he immediately started second guessing himself. Had Yassen arranged things just to get himself invited in?

He groaned. Yassen was a contract killer, not a vampire. If he wanted to gain entry to Alex’s flat, he hardly needed to wait for an invitation. He certainly never had before.

Less than an hour later Yassen was at his door, and Alex appreciated the courtesy he showed in knocking. He’d half expected to turn round and just find the man behind him.

“Hello Alex.” Yassen gave him a familiar smile and Alex found himself blushing. 

“Hey.” He stumbled back far enough to let Yassen come in, scrubbing a hand through his hair self-consciously. 

“So.” Yassen looked at him expectantly, then when Alex appeared tongue-tied, prompted, “Someone sent you a heart?”

“Yeah.” The reality of the situation was like a bucket of cold water and Alex shook himself. He lead Yassen into the kitchen and took it out the freezer, dumping it on the table for him to look at.

Yassen looked at the solid package, then up at Alex with a faint smile.

“What?”

“You froze it?”

“Yeah. Well. It might’ve gone off. It might be evidence or something, right?”

Yassen’s smile widened and Alex glared at him. “What!”

“Nothing.” Yassen opened the bag carefully, exposing the contents. “You still think like an agent, however much you pretend to yourself you don’t want to be one.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t call you for a career talk,” Alex snapped. “What do you think?”

“It’s definitely human,” Yassen pronounced, and Alex felt sick again.

“Really?” 

“You want a second opinion?”

“No,” said Alex weakly. “I could have done without the first one to be honest. What do I do?”

“You have no idea who sent it or why?”

Alex fetched the outer packaging and the card.

“Be my valentine?” Yassen read. “Somebody has singular taste in gifts.”

“I did wonder for a moment if it might have been you,” Alex admitted in an undertone. Yassen looked surprised.

“Did you call me here to interrogate me?” he asked, and Alex felt himself blushing again.

“No. I just – it crossed my mind, that’s all. Sorry.”

“And yet now you appear to have absolved me,” Yassen noted, studying him with amused interest. “What convinced you?”

Alex shrugged, then conceded a smile. “I don’t know. Not your style maybe. Or maybe I’d just forgotten how - ”

“How what?” 

“How direct you are,” Alex finished reluctantly. “If you wanted me back you wouldn’t mess about with hearts in boxes. I’d probably just wake up in the boot of your car or something.”

Yassen was staring at him with something close to consternation and Alex fidgeted. “Now what?”

“There’s so much to unpack in that sentence I’m not even sure where to start. But we have more important things to focus on, such as who is sending you viscera in the post.”

“It is in offally bad taste,” Alex muttered, and Yassen gave him a look that suggested he was remembering why he hadn’t spoken to him in twelve months.

“This is the first time you’ve received something like this?”

“Well I wasn’t planning on building a collection.” Alex went abruptly still and Yassen looked up. 

“What is it?”

“Nothing...I don’t think.”

“You’ve thought of something. Don’t let yourself rationalise it away, something struck a chord there. What was it?”

“Well – there was something in my locker,” Alex said slowly. “At work, a few weeks ago.”

“Where are you working now?”

“You mean you don’t know?”

“Why would I keep track?” Yassen asked. “Or are we back to suspecting me?”

Alex opened his mouth then closed it again. Part of him had believed that Yassen would somehow have taken an interest in what he’d been doing these past months, but why should he, now that Alex had left the service of MI6? He hadn’t even kept Alex’s phone number. 

Alex swallowed against a sudden lump in his throat. It wasn’t as if they’d been in a relationship, he told himself sternly. It was just sex. It hadn’t meant anything. 

Well, clearly. 

Although – Yassen was here, wasn’t he? He’d dropped whatever he’d been doing and come to help at a moment’s notice, despite the fact they hadn’t even spoken in months. Alex didn’t know quite how he felt, only that he should probably be concentrating more on the matter at hand.

“I’m working for University College,” he said. “Research assistant.”

“In what?”

“Pyrotechnics.” 

Yassen stifled a laugh and Alex glared at him. “They run an accreditation course okay? Licensing people who need to use them in the film industry.”

“No, no it’s the perfect career,” Yassen agreed, trying to keep a straight face. “Blowing things up always did come very naturally to you. Remind me to stay away from the building if at all possible.”

Alex stuck his tongue out, then conceded a tired laugh. “It’s mostly paperwork. Although some of the developmental stuff is – anyway,” he changed the subject hastily, abruptly realising that advertising the latest technology in smokescreens and explosives to Scorpia’s finest might not be the best idea. “Yeah, a few weeks ago something turned up in my locker. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now – maybe.”

“What was it?” 

“A bone.”

“A bone,” Yassen echoed flatly. “Somebody left you a bone and you didn’t think it might be related?”

“Well it wasn’t meaty,” Alex protested. “The lockers are all really old and battered, half of them don’t actually lock. I just assumed somebody from the archaeology department had dumped it in there by mistake.”

“I’m fairly sure archaeologists don’t habitually carry random bones about with them,” Yassen pointed out. “They’re generally fussier about cataloguing for a start. What did you do with it?”

“Left it out on the top. It disappeared again.”

“And there was no note with that one?”

“Not that I noticed.” Alex shivered. “You think somebody’s stalking me?”

“Alex somebody sent you a heart,” Yassen said with a strained patience. “Always assuming you didn’t order it yourself on eBay while blackout drunk, anyway.”

“Can you do that?” Alex asked, incredulous, then glared. “You’re not funny.” 

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“What?” Alex felt like he was getting whiplash. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Just trying to get a picture of things,” Yassen explained. “Who might have an interest in you, if there’s jealousy at play, that kind of thing.”

“Oh.” Alex felt silly, and unaccountably disappointed. “No. Nobody. Are you?” The question was out of his mouth before his brain registered that it had absolutely nothing to do with the current problem, and Yassen looked at him expressionlessly.

“No,” he said eventually. “I’m not.”

“Right.” They stared at each other for a beat. 

“Do you want me to take it?” Yassen offered. 

Alex licked dry lips. “What?”

“The heart,” Yassen clarified. “It’s obviously upsetting you. Would you like me to take it away?”

“Oh. Yes, please, would you?” Alex said in a rush, relieved. “I didn’t know what to do with it.”

“I can maybe get some tests done on it,” Yassen mused. “See if we can get a tissue match or something.” He paused. “Or there might be a simpler way. Has anyone reported a dead body with a missing heart lately?”

“I think if it had been on the news even I might have made that connection,” Alex growled, and Yassen smiled. He took out his phone and did a certain amount of tapping at the screen before shaking his head.

“There’s been nothing reported in the last week in the London area at least according to the police database.”

“How do you have access to that?” Alex asked indignantly and Yassen just raised an eyebrow.

“Not your problem any more, is it?”

Alex subsided. “I suppose not. So – not a recent murder victim? Or at least – not one that’s been found yet.” 

“You’ve no idea who it might be?”

“No, I told you.”

“Not the sender. The heart.”

Alex froze. “You what? You think I might know the _victim_?”

“I think if I received a heart in the post my first worry would be whose it was,” Yassen mused, and Alex winced. It hadn’t even occurred to him. But Yassen was still theorising.

“Although – the message seems to indicate this isn’t intended as a threat, more of an offering, so – perhaps the heart of an enemy rather than a friend?”

Alex wondered when his day would stop getting worse. 

“You think somebody might have ripped out the heart of one of my enemies and sent it to me as a gift?”

“Quite romantic, no?”

“No!” Alex looked appalled, then caught the glimmer of amusement and barged Yassen with his shoulder. “I hate you.”

Yassen gave a snort of laughter. “You are too easy to wind up.”

They eyed each other, Alex reluctantly smiling, Yassen looking at him with what might have been a certain fondness but it was gone as quickly as it came and Alex couldn’t be sure.

“Do you really think it’s taken from someone I know?” Alex asked uncomfortably. 

Yassen considered. “Probably not? It’s a possibility I wouldn’t rule out, but normally there would be some kind of escalation first. And with no recent corresponding crimes reported it makes it more likely it’s been taken from somewhere that’s not likely to be noticed.”

“What do you – oh. You mean somebody who was already dead?” Alex realised with relief. 

“Exactly. Medical waste, for instance. Post-heart transplant and destined for the incinerator? Do you know anyone with access like that? Or perhaps with access to - ”

“A morgue,” Alex interrupted, going white. He stared at Yassen. “I think I know who it is.”

“The victim?”

“The sender.” Alex sat down suddenly, his knees feeling weak.

“Go on.” Yassen took a seat as well, looking interested.

“There was this guy. Michael. We got talking at a bus stop one morning while like three buses failed to appear. He’s doing a part-time degree at UCL and was headed the same way as me, but he actually works in the morgue at Guy’s. I didn’t think anything more of it, but by the time I got home he’d found me on facebook. As soon as I added him he sent me like a dozen messages.”

“You have facebook?”

“Everybody has facebook.”

“I don’t.”

Alex made a face and Yassen laughed. “Keep going.”

“Anyway, he was there again the next morning, and the next. Same time, same bus-stop. It was getting really awkward and I was trying to make it clear I wasn’t interested, but I couldn’t shake him.”

“He was following you?”

Alex nodded uncomfortably. “Literally. I started getting on at a different stop, and two days later he was waiting at that one instead. And one day I’d got up to get off and – he was in the seat behind me. Like – he’d just been sitting there silently staring at the back of my head. Hadn’t said hi or anything. That’s not normal, right?”

“It’s still a bit of a stretch from that to sending you a heart,” Yassen pointed out. 

“He was weird,” Alex grumbled. “And icky.”

“Icky?”

“One morning he had an ear full of shaving foam.”

“That’s hardly an actionable crime.”

“It should be when you’re forced to stare at it all the way to work. Anyway, the point I’m making is he would have access to this sort of stuff.”

“You want to pay this guy a visit?”

Alex blinked. He hadn’t really appreciated the full ramifications of getting Yassen involved in this. He hoped it didn’t end with somebody else’s heart in a box. On the other hand, Michael had made him feel uncomfortable and frankly unsafe for quite a while, and being able to turn the tables was a tempting thought.

“Let’s do it,” he decided. “He should be in classes today, we can probably catch him.”

“You know his timetable?”

“I needed to know how to avoid him,” Alex explained awkwardly. He didn’t really want to have to confess the lengths he’d gone to to avoid the man, but Yassen didn’t press. Michael had gone quiet recently, and Alex had thought he’d finally got the message. But perhaps he’d decided to escalate things in his own way.

“I’d like to take a look at your locker as well,” Yassen said. “In case there was anything you missed.”

The trip didn’t take long in Yassen’s car, and Alex took him up to the department. 

“This is me.” Alex opened the locker and stopped dead.

“What is it?” Yassen saw him go still and moved him gently out of the way to peer inside. On top of a stack of books lay a large bone.

“It’s back?”

Alex shook his head. “It was a small one before. A finger bone, I think.”

Yassen reached in and took it out, examining it carefully. It certainly didn’t look recent, which was a small mercy.

“There’s a note.” Alex reached in and drew it out, then choked as he read the short message. Yassen looked enquiring and Alex handed it over.

“You give me a bone so it’s only fair I give you one too,” Yassen read. “Well he certainly has a way with words. You’re sure he’s not a keeper?”

Alex glared at him and he smiled back, returning the paper and examining the bone again.

“Is it real?” Alex asked uncomfortably.

“Yes. Although - ” Yassen peered closer. “There are small holes. This has been wired.”

“Wired?” 

“Articulated, probably as part of a complete skeleton for display. For training, maybe?”

Alex stared. “I think I know where it’s from.”

He headed off down the corridor, leading Yassen to one of the labs. It was shared between various disciplines, and Alex had noticed before the elderly skeleton hanging in one of the corners. Students being students it frequently sported some kind of hat. It had never occurred to him that it might have been real.

Sure enough, it was missing a tibia.

“I think we’ve found our unwitting donor,” said Yassen, hooking the bone back into place. 

“Didn’t provide the heart though, did it?” Alex muttered. 

Behind them the door opened and they swung round to find a dark haired young man staring at them guiltily.

“Come to steal another body part?” Alex snarled, and Yassen realised this must be Michael. He studied the man with interest, judging him to be a few years older than Alex. He was largely unremarkable looking, save for a certain wide-eyed expression that made him look slightly unbalanced, although to be fair that could be entirely due to Alex’s wild accusation if the man was innocent. Although his next words settled that question.

“Didn’t you like my present?”

“You’re insane.”

“You stole my heart Alex, so I stole one for you.”

“Oh Jesus. Please tell me they were dead already.”

Michael blanched. “What, yeah, of course they were, I’m not a freak.”

Alex and Yassen exchanged a look. 

“I think Michael and I need to have a little chat,” said Yassen, cracking his knuckles unpleasantly.

Michael looked alarmed. “Who are you? Shit, you’re not the police are you? I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I beg to differ,” said Yassen, and Alex was amused to notice the faint Russian accent had disappeared to be replaced with pure old-Etonian. “But don’t worry Michael. I’m not the authorities. I’m much, much worse.”

Michael went pale, and abruptly backed out of the door and legged it.

Yassen sighed. “I hate it when they make me chase them.” He glanced at Alex. “No need for you to come.”

Alex grabbed his arm. “Yassen, just – don’t kill him okay?”

“I assume I have permission to scare the living daylights out of him?”

Alex’s lips twitched. “Granted.”

“Go home. I’ll swing by later, pick up the heart.” Yassen disappeared after Michael and Alex sagged back against the nearest wall. What a day.

–

The knock at the door still made Alex jump even though he was waiting for it, and he pulled it open to find Yassen leaning against the door frame with a satisfied smile.

“Well?” Alex demanded as he let him in.

“Our friend Michael won’t be bothering you again.”

“What did you do?” Alex asked nervously, and Yassen looked innocent. 

“Oh don’t worry, he’s still with us. I just explained carefully that if he ever bothered you again I would unzip his skin from the groin upwards and introduce him to his own bone structure, one by one. He, er. May have fainted at that point.”

Alex tried unsuccessfully not to laugh. “God Yassen. What’s he going to think?”

“That contacting you again is a thoroughly bad idea, hopefully,” Yassen said. “Oh, there’s one more thing you should probably know. I may have given him the impression that we were seeing each other. Just to hammer home the fact that I would not take kindly to hearing he’d been hanging around. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No. Uh. No, of course not,” Alex stammered. 

“Good.” Yassen looked at him. “So I guess I’ll just – take the heart and er, leave you in peace?”

“Right. Yes.” Alex went into the kitchen and stopped with his hand on the freezer door. 

“You up to much? Later I mean? I mean, do you have, like, plans. For tonight?” He risked a look round, wincing at his stumbling enquiries.

“Not especially.” Yassen shrugged, looking out of the window instead of at Alex and Alex silently cursed the man for not taking a hint. Or maybe he just wasn’t interested. He sighed and opened the freezer. 

“Anyway. Thank you. For everything. For helping me out. You didn’t have to.” 

“Any time.” 

Alex jumped. Yassen was right behind him and he hadn’t heard him move. 

“I’ll – take that then?”

“Yeah.” Alex held out the bag and Yassen took it, their fingers brushing momentarily. 

“Yassen?”

“Yes?”

Alex lost his nerve. “Nothing. Thanks.”

Yassen nodded. “Bye then.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

Yassen was halfway to the door when Alex broke. “Yassen!”

He turned, and Alex bit his lip. “Did you – I mean – would you be – oh God I’m shit at this.” No wonder he was single, Alex thought bitterly. Maybe freaky heart man was all he deserved. 

But while Alex was stuttering to an inconclusive and tongue-tied silence, Yassen walked back past him with a sigh, slung the bag back into the freezer and turned to face him.

“Alex.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

–


End file.
